How to Change your Marriage

How to CHANGE your MARRIAGE

My marriage did not begin to change until I was willing to line up my thoughts, words and actions with the Word of God. As I began to judge my heart by what I saw in Scripture it was clear to see that I was sinning towards my husband in the way I spoke and responded to him. But, God would not allow me to just leave it there. Once I saw my sin, I had to repent of it which meant I had to turn from it and go the opposite direction by obeying the Word. My marriage changed for the better when I became a doer of the Word.

I can honestly say that the main reason we had a bad marriage in our early years was that we both chose to follow our desires and feelings, instead of putting them off (casting them off), renewing my mind and obeying God's Word. Eph. 4:22-24

1. EXAMINE and judge YOURSELF first.

Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you-- unless, of course, you fail the test? 2 Cor. 13:5

Do not judge lest you be judged... You hypocrite, FIRST take the log out of your OWN eye, and THEN you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye. Matthew 7:1,5

Watch over YOUR heart with all diligence, for from it {flow} the springs of life. Prov 4:23


2. Problems start in the HEART.

But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man. For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies. Matt 15:18-19


3. Heart problems lead to UNBIBLICAL DEEDS (thoughts > words or actions)

- This is the 'doing' level. Romans 1:18-32

A few examples of sin in the heart that leads to actions:
* You gossip or slander him because you are bitter. Heb. 12:15
* You grumble and complain about him to yourself and others. Phil. 2:14
* You avoid him, pout, neglect your duties toward him because you are angry. Rom. 12:17
* You spend a lot of time thinking about your wants, your needs, your desires so therefore you neglect meeting his wants, needs and godly desires. Phil 2:4, 1 Cor. 13:5


4. Unbiblical deeds may and often do lead to BAD FEELINGS.

Biblical Command:
Then the LORD said to Cain, "Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen?
"If you do well, will not {your countenance} be lifted up? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it." Gen. 4:6-7

Examples: Depression, despair, guilt feelings

Our focus becomes paramount. If my focus is on my self and getting my needs and rights met then my eyes will be off the Lord's commands. This is sure failure in achieving a biblically, blessed marriage. I have never witnessed a godly marriage where both parties are focused on getting their own needs met. But, I have witnessed good marriages where just one person has set there eyes upon pleasing the Lord and not themselves. Determine to live each day in a manner that pleases God.

So, let's bring this down to practicalities. Start by paying attention to your thoughts and then see if they line up with God's Word. This means you must know God’s Word. Spend time daily in God’s Word by reading, meditating on what it says and memorizing it. Pay attention to your thoughts about your husband. Start listening to what comes out of your mouth towards your husband. Watch your responses and actions to things he says or does that upset you. Do they line up with God's commands concerning how we are to respond to others?

Repent of the thoughts, words and actions that you recognize as sinful and displeasing to the Lord. It may be necessary to ask your husband for his forgiveness in areas that you have sinned against him personally. Make a decision to forgive him if he has sinned against you. Then do what Scriptures says.

Ask the Lord for HIS wisdom and grace to change the way you have been thinking and responding to your husband. Believe that He will answer this prayer. Saturate, saturate, saturate your mind in the Word of God. Obey His Word.












Reference:Self-Confrontation Manual by Biblical Counseling Foundations

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